It’s interesting…
I learned from a young age how to be independent, how to be self-sufficient. It was ingrained in me to always be “strong”, not to allow weakness to show. I was told many times by people that I was “too serious” and the truth is- I probably was! When you walk through traumatic experiences as a child you tend to go to the more serious end of the spectrum, at least I did.
What’s interesting to me is this- God’s kingdom is completely opposite to all that was instilled in me from a young age. This shocked my system when I went to college. I learned that it’s actually much better to depend on my loving Heavenly Father than to do it on my own. I learned that HE is all sufficient, not me, which really took the pressure off of my shoulders. Hello!
But it takes time to undo what’s been for years. To this day I struggle with allowing my weakness be exposed so that He is able to heal areas of my heart.
It’s been a week of weakness. A week when everything feels broken, raw, messy. I’ve felt like He’s brought me to the end of myself so that He can repair some of the broken places in my life, but it’s not easy.
He needs to bring us to the end of ourselves so that He can heal such places. If not we run around trying to fix ourselves, or pretending like everything’s ok when it’s not.
The truth of one’s heart is exposed in such moments- the good and the bad. Sure I’ve realized how far He’s brought me and how He’s transformed my heart up to this point, but I’ve also had a lot raw honesty moments. In these moments all I can say is, “HELP MY UNBELIEF”.
He’s reminded me of Paul’s raw moments in 2 Corinthians 12 when he says a thorn in his flesh was given to him- one that he begged the Lord to remove. What strikes me is Jesus’ response, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”{2 Cor.12:9}.
How quickly I disqualify myself when I have moments of weakness. Yet, He’s teaching me to rest in His love for me. He’s teaching me that HIS POWER is made perfect in such moments. He’s teaching me that it’s not about Jen and MY abilities, but HIS.
A song by Misty Edwards has stuck with me all week called, “I Knew What I Was Getting Into”.
The lyrics are:
I knew what I was getting into when called you.
I knew what I was getting into when I said your name, but I said it just the same.
I knew what I was getting into and I still want you.
I knew what I was getting into.
And I am not shocked by your weakness.
And I am not shocked even by your sin.
And I am not shocked by your brokenness.
I knew what I was getting into and I still want you.
I knew what I was getting into and I still like you.
I knew what I was getting into and I still chose you.
Cuz only I can see the end from the beginning.
And only I can see where this is going.
And only I can see the end from the beginning.
And I see in you the seeds of love.
And I see in you strength when all you see is your failure and all you feel is shame.
I can see deeper than that.
I know you better than that.
You’re only at the beginning.
You’ve only just begun and I know where you are going
And all you can see is the moment that you’re hurting.
And all you can see is the moment that you’re aching.
Just don’t give up.
And don’t give in.
If you don’t quit,
You win, you win.
Everything is in my hands.
It’s gonna be alright.
Everything is in my hands.
It’s gonna be alright.
It’s gonna be okay.
And you don’t have to pretend to be something or someone that you’re not.
Cuz I know you better than that, even better, even better than that.
Powerful truth.
His LOVE is enough.
His GRACE is enough.
He is my strength.
My Source.
He is EVERYTHING I need.
Incredible.
It’s about KINGDOM perspective. Seeing beyond the NOW into the future…and pulling the future into the NOW.
Perspective. His perspective. It’s a much better view than mine!
Amen!!